Why Goofy White People Dress Up Their Pets In Costume
What’s inside your pal Jimmy Devious’ Head today?
Well, for yet another White Honky Wednesday (AKA your friendly blog-segment-lifeline for understanding the inexplicable quirkiness of white, WHITE people) and with this being the Christmas season and all…
I reckoned I’d be of service addressing an issue that is quite perplexing to you sensible non-white folks.
You see them a lot, especially this time of year, or Halloween. Any other quiet morning, your cheery neighbor Joeblow Von Whitebottoms will be out in his tacky silver jogging suit walking his sandy pug “Homer Simpson” down Every St, and you’d hardly bat an eye.
But THIS morning, just a few days before Christmas, you notice something quite ODD in the corner of your eye, a flash of panting red and green. Then, Joeblow’s almost musically annoying “HiDEE-ho hello there!” turns your head…and then…you see IT. The…creature. Out in PUBLIC…and you think this to yourself (I know you do! )
“Mother-of-God, what the HELL IS THAAAAT???”
Oh it’s just a family dog…dressed up as Charles Dickens…outside where other people can see it…uhh yeah…that’s all. 😛
Why do white people do this kind of silly crap to their poor pets you ask??
In the first place, BECAUSE WE CAN, of course. In the second place, because we do it to OURSELVES! You see, to us silly well-meaning Crackers, our pets are more than just barking burglar alarms on a chain or a tackling dummy for Michael Vick.
We totally fall IN LOVE with our pets.
We don’t give them kickass names that practically reflect their function in life like Killer, or T Bone, no no, our Mitzy, Paws, Fido, Button, and Jeeves is our cutesy-wootsy sidekick, our friend. We take our dirty ol’egg-sucking dog everywhere we can get away with it, and when it’s cold out, we KNIT THEM UGLY SWEATERS.
Our Pets are part of our family. So, when we silly white people decide to get “festive” ourselves and wear ridiculous things, we “pet parents” think, “why not have our furry children put on that stupid shite too??”
Not realizing of course, that there may be a REASON why pets sometimes MAUL their owners…HMMmmmm…
No, we don’t expect you to do it, but I hope now after reading these few simple (satirical ) public service words you understand….and when you see us, laugh your ass off! 😀
It’s a white thing.
What’s the funniest Pet Costume you’ve ever seen?
Merry Christmas and Jingly-jingly bells…from our little dogs too! 🙂