Monologue Monday: “Season’s Greedings”

The Crazy Target Lady is INSANE!!
Caption: I am SOOO glad that Target did away with the “Crazy Shopper Lady” (Not that they replaced her with much better but… )

What’s inside Jimmy D’s big grapefruit of a head today, you ask??

Well it’s “Cyber Monday” 

…With that, and “Black Friday” just plopped down into the record books, we are all now OFFICIALLY into the 2012 Christmas Holiday shopping season.

Yip…ee.

I have to confess that as the years have gone by, I have grown to DETEST this season of all seasons.

Now, I will also in this same breath freely admit that I haven’t always been like this, and that even now, I’m not 100% “Christmasist.”

I mean, who can resist whistling along (or attempting to whistle even 😛 ) when the
Corona Christmas ad comes on??

Ahhhh yes…it ain’t Christmas to me until you see a Mexican palm tree all jacked up in lights! B) lol

You’d have to be some kind of self-licking heathen to not enjoy that! But, can you feel it in the air this year, and perhaps MORE so than usual??

Hell nooo, I’m not talking about the sweet smells of home-bakingly baked-out baked things, or the wintry spice-note scent of tree pine, the whimsical jingley-jangle of jingle bells, nor the spread of goodwill toward all men.

No no…I’m referring to that…that stench.

You know, all the GREED??

I could smell it a mile away, how about you?

Again, maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t it seem like maybe, just MAYBE the values of our “advanced civilization” have gotten MAJORLY WHACKED OUT when it comes to this Christmas shopping stuff??

Isn’t it completely sad how our Pirate-festooned sons and Princessed-out daughters (or vice versa, if you’re so…ummm…inclined 😛 ) can barely get home with their plastic pumpkins and pillow cases full of Halloween candy before the stores are already erecting their Christmas trees?

When did Thanksgiving legally decide to change its name to the “Black Friday Pregame Show, co-starring Turkey’n’Cranberry sauce” ??

Did you know that in the burg where I reside, they actually kicked the homeless guy regulars OUT of the Best Buy parking lot, just so they could make more space available for “Black Friday Campers” who showed up ON WEDNESDAY??

Aren’t you just getting a little tired of our favorite Christmas Holiday standards having their lyrics changed to pitch whatever Joe-Blow McStore’s Holiday Doorbusters, or worse yet, choosing a totally non-Christmasy-Christmas ad jingle??

(One store has “Heart And Soul” in its commercials. Pardon my Farsi, but what the Hell-of-Hedad does that song have to do with Christmas?? )

When was it cool for Americans to tell OTHER Americans to STHU just because
they don’t want to lose the peace of their Thanksgiving to Pre-Black Friday shopping?

I dunno, maybe it REALLY is just me, but don’t you think there’s a little something wrong here when the poor employees of these retail establishments start joking about strapping on a protective cup and body armor to deal with all the insane “shopping zombies” they’re about to face??

(Oh yeah Honey, Black Friday sales are JUST like that!! You have NO IDEA!! Hail to the King Baby!! 😉 )

Perhaps I’m naive, but I still don’t believe I’m the only one who thinks the Christmas sales trends are getting WAAAAY too “Crackhead-y” out of hand with their intrusiveness and obsessiveness.

It’s just another sale. Really. It’s not that big of a deal. Honest Injun.

Is that special doorbuster price REALLY worth turning your “beanbag” into a testicular accordion over, when you’re inevitably smushed by all the other rat maze idiots who want that shiny new shiny thing?

Aren’t we missing the point people??

Just something to think about.

Happy Crackheadery…errr…I mean Cyber Monday!!

J. Devious, ESQ.
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9 thoughts on “Monologue Monday: “Season’s Greedings”

  1. Yeah, it’s become really illness inducing. It kinda solidifies what’s going on on in our culture though, which is… Buy more stuff. Too much stuff? Buy a bigger house. Still too much stuff? Install shelving units, and then buy more. Somehow the solution to buying too much stuff has become buying more stuff.

    And don’t even get me started on people who engage in competitive decorating. My own mother does it, and I can assure you living with someone who is a compulsive decorator is profoundly un-fun…

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