A Glimpse At Another Life

The Family Man. A 2000 movie that was like "It's A Wonder Life" Only...not!

Yeaaap, I had this freaky dream the other day…

(Noooo, I did NOT have Mexican food or Indian curry or something like that to produce this freaky…ish..umm ness, so don’t go there. )

It’s the kind of dream that, for a moment or two, makes one feel like Sam Beckett, or maybe perhaps Nick Cage in a somewhat bland remake of “It’s A Wonderful Life.”

You feel me so far…dawg??

Is it just me, or does Sam look like he’s right in the middle of a giant bong?

Okay nevermind 😉 The POINT is, when I DO dream, I tend to have the kind of dreams that create for themselves very detailed WHOLE UNIVERSES in my noggin…parallel universes. Sometimes in these universes I am myself, sometimes I am a famous pop culture comic book superhero type character…

Ralph Hanley, he's just another American superhero. In a flamin' red suit!
Hey, HOW’D YOU KNOW that was who I was thinkin’ of?? We’re sooo Psychic man!! 😉

…Or a dashing swashbuckler Musketeer, and other times, I am a giant chicken about to be condemned to death on an industrial fryer at KFC, or I am a man in red rubbery skin-tight latex catsuit being chased by a giant orange Gossamer monster in a creepy animated castle, for some reason…

Poor Gossamer! He’s just misunderstood! But anywaaaaay….

In this dream other day however, thank-Godfully, I was ALL me. And I had been dozing like a major slacker.

On a couch. In my parents’ living room.

OOooo….exciting, no??

Don’t worry…it gets worse! 😛

I could recognize that I was, indeed, in my parents living room, because the walls and carpet therein were, more or less, the same blaise newveux Amish colors they always were since the house was built in 1992. (In my family, we all live DANGEROUSLY let me tell you! 😛 )

But what was really strange was, the couch I had been napping on was actually, well….NICE.

Like something that had been built and shipped out in the 21st century…and not say, a set piece from *THREEEEE’S commmmpannnneeee TOOO! *

“No waaaaay, that hippie-patterned-flower-powered SLAB on dubs…err…I mean, that really long and fugly couch that my Mommy Dearest hates is finally gone, she FINALLY got her new furniture…wooohoo!!”

Urban Dictionary: Slab On Dubs

It was like my parents living room had suddenly become a Rooms-To-Go showroom or something. Okay, this is a little weeeeeeeeird…

Oh, but that’s not even the freakiest part, don’t worry folks, I’ll get to that in a second.

I thought for the briefest of moments that I may have somehow “leaped” into the future, or perhaps into the future AND leaped into the body of someone who had moved into the house after my folks had sold it. But these suspicions were soon squelched when I noticed a very warm and fuzzy feeling on my tootsies. THIS little guy was laying at my feet…

The late Pepper At  Co Pilot and In his "summer haircut"
The late Pepper At Co Pilot and In his “summer haircut”

And he is no longer with us, but yet here he was, little-as-life, as perky, fuzzy, and as babe-magnet-y adorable as ever and getting ready to jump up on me for a rubdown.

…ut-OOOOH, I just might be dead in my sleep, and now in heaven.

But wouldn’t heaven look a LITTLE better than an Ikea showroom? Wouldn’t that be maybe perhaps closer to the furniture they have in….hell perchance?? (You spend an eternity of torment putting that shite together!! 😛 )

Ikea makes something as badass as even a Lightsaber sound complicated!

But then, just as I was about to give a free belly massage to the turtle-upturned fuzzface that is the “affection whore” that is and was my wee laddie dog Pepper…

Pepper has/had NO SHAME at all. And apparently neither do I  for posting a picture...of that chair. :P lol
Pepper has/had NO SHAME at all. And apparently neither do I for posting a picture…of that chair. 😛 lol

..A flash of movement and summer afternoon sunlight glint spurts across the corner of my vision. I stagger to my feet as if a half-drunken hobo over to a case of boxcar booze…err…I mean the window looking out on to the backyard, and what to my wondering eyes should appear…

But my Dad, and SEVERAL dozen people, cooking BBQ and steaks, and he was doing so with much, MUCH laughing “togethernes”s and cheer.

“Okay, what drug-trippy cosmic bunghole of candy-covered jizzwax have I fallen into here? Dad NEVER has people over, let alone, lets their menfolk grill for OTHER people with him in HIS backyard…what the heck is going on?

And there were also patriotic themed DECORATIONS up everywhere. What?? Mom and Dad are actually having a party?? At THEIR house?? For OTHER people??

Speaking of which, where IS Mom anyway??

(No, I don’t actually expect you to know…but if you choose to answer it anyway, I won’t get mad. Especially if you choose to read that question as if I had asked, “Did you bring over some more Jelly Roll Tasty Cakes?” and your answer was, ” Hell Yes!” 😛 )

Instinctively I lighting-bunny-skipped over to the window overlooking the front driveway for some odd reason. Nope, Mom’s car was not there, but strangely enough, the Pickup parked in Dad’s spot was the “spice brown” 1996 Chevy Cheyenne he had years and YEARS ago. Umm, WHOA…

… W to the T to a VERRY big F??…

I had seen the Back To The Future movies enough times to know that when in doubt about what time, place, and century you’re in, look at a newspaper….and that the members of the Tannen family really HATE manure.


Oh and say “Great…Scoooott!!” A Lot.

After much squirrel-rummaging like a PCP addict, I managed to locate “today’s” front page. While now, I couldn’t rightly say I remember the date (perhaps Memorial Day, July Fourth? ) because it was the YEAR that threw me for a major Tucan Sam, a fruit LOOPer…. today was 2004

… We have just lost cabin pressure…

While I was trying to contemplate just how I happened to wet-floor-slip-slide my way back into 2004, or this VERSION of 2004, I heard the front door knob in super slomo begin to turn…

WHY I immediately went into a pre-pubescent-hide-the-secret-porno-stash-up-in-my ALF-underwear type of a panic (not that I EVER did ANYTHING like that 😛 ) I know not. But I did. I scrambled like I was in a Chinese fire drill to get back to my previous position on the very trendy chaise lounger…or whatever it was. Pepper pranced into his ” door greeter mode.”

Door opens wide, the sun’s in my eyes as I rubber-neck to see who is storming in.

“Hiya Peeep-PER! YouvebeenagoodBOOOY…yesyouhave, awww…yesyouhave!! Awwwwhosagood Boooy??”

Okay, THAT’S Judy, my best friend’s mom, giving Pepper her customary “ear flapping.” He loves that. Check.

“Hi DOOOGIE!! Hell-ooooo!!” Oooop, There’s my Mom. Giving Pepper her usual graceful “doggie noogie” which he ALSO loves. Two people down. And they’te putting down shopping bags. Must’ve beeen summer sales. Probably Palais Royal. Again.

Whilst Mom is still performing the noogie procedure, a brightly blonde coifed hobbit walks in the door carrying shopping bags that are almost bigger than she is…Yeaap, that looks like April, my best friend’s sister. But who’s the gigantorly tall woman April’s gabbing with and walking in behind HER, almost blocking out the sun?

” Oh, Hi honey!! Did you have a nice nap?”

Err just wait a dadgum minute here?! WHO are YOU strange Sasquatch woman, that you’re callin’ ME hone-

It then occurs to me to examine my fingers. ALL my fingers. CAREFULLY.

Whew!! Not a ring in sight. But why am I wearing a fashionably in-season salmon colored Polo shirt…with khakis?? And how do I know that it’s actually CALLED salmon??!!

Yeah, kind of like THIS guy, only I'm much, MUCH better looking ;) *SNORT! *
Yeah, kind of like THIS guy, only I’m much, MUCH better looking 😉 *SNORT! *

    I thought Jason Bourne was too busy youknow, umm killing lots of people in poorly lit European parking garages to start modeling for Polo?? 

Then, this female giantesse starts to laugh, and in a sparkly moment of Han Soloesque brillant doofusery, I think to myself, “I KNOW that voice!!”

Before I can put all the pieces together, she with all her camel caravan of shopping bags flops down way to close on the couch beside me and gives me a flesh-sucking peck on the cheek.

It…it was her.

Some of you who will read this will know EXACTLY who I’m talking about, some of you may kinda sorta PERHAPS be able to figure it out after you finish reading this post. Some of you may not have a clue. All of this is by design.

 But the short answer is. This young woman in particuliar was an artiscally and mentally brilliant certain someone who I met in college. Someone who it may have been technically possible to cross paths with when we were in High School, or even before that, but somehow we never did…until adulthood. In the grand scheme of my whole existance thus far if it were an hour, she was only in my life for something like five minutes on that scale. But oh, was it a wonderful five minutes. 🙂

She didn’t look too much different than I remember, still a graceful near 6-foot tall Nefertati-an swan. She still had her beautiful skin, her big brown puppy dog Audrey Hepburn  eyes, and her patented smile all her own. I had nearly forgotten how instantly warm that big toothy-dimplicious grin of hers could make me feel. How she could make me forget in a split-second all about my slavish devotion to the “grumpies.”

How her very essence was hope in a bottle.  Wow.

“Jim-Jim? Are you alright??” The gorgeous ghost from my past asked.

Thanks for reminding me again, paralllel universe! 😛

Her hair was a little longer, her skin a little more olive sunkissed smooth, her usual dark brown hair was also a tinge more highlighted, like maybe we had been spending our days of this alternate timeline summer outside a lot…umm…building little houses for birdies or..umm…black…leprechauns or something. I dunno! 😉

SHE then preoceed to show me some of the stuff from her bags, blouses,  shorts, maybe a skirt she’d bought, stuff that I as a guy couldnt of cared less about. I was too busy gawking.  SHE also asured me with a joking smile and a chuck on my shoulder that “Everything was ON CLEARANCE! It won’t hurt our budget, I promise!! Fear not,  I was CARE-FUUUUL. I can see him  panicking already,  Mister Tightwad!!”

What?? Sweetie, I SAW some of those tags. Even for a Marshall’s based in Dreamland, they looked a little steep to me!! 😛

Yeah,  in the real world I screwed it up, pretty much by not thinking of myself as “worthy” of her at the time. Maybe I TOLD myself that I did the right thing, that her potential was so much greater than anything we could have had together. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps we BOTH would have been happier with that together than anything we have or had done apart.

Decisions, decisions. Important decisions.  They are never that easy are they?? I guess that’s what makes THOSE decisions the IMPORTANT ones. 

Still, it was so nice to see her again.

Now, if she’d only stick around!!  🙂

Yup, it’s YOUR TURN…

Have you ever had a “Glimpse” in some way as to  how your life might have turned out differently, had you made a different choice?

If so, what was it like? Did it reinforce the decision you had made, or make you wish for a different path?

Happy Sunday!

Forever tighter with the cash  than water up  a crab’s butthole,

J. Devious, ESQ.


One thought on “A Glimpse At Another Life

  1. I’ve never EVER had a glimpse into another life. So I’m a little jealous, mostly of your Alf underwear, of course.

    I do sometimes wonder what my life would be like had I not met my sister-in-law, which yes, also required taking an incomplete in Spanish. (Read: I was failing it. So, I took an incomplete, and then met my sister-in-law when I took Spanish 232 for a second go around…) Ah de mi.

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