A Handy-Dandy Referential Guide To My Eccentricities

Well, HIDEE-ho-hello there WordPressers, hooligans, and as such future unnamed Lawsuit personsages!
 
I supose I should begin my first “official” post on here by ‘esplainin’ to you all just how truly…uhhh…mentally differential at times that I can be. (READ: eccentric.)
 
(Oh yeah, and this post is going to be a little more “attatchment and goodies-whoreish” then my future posts might typically be.)
 
But, just so you’re prepared, know that AT ANY GIVEN TIME in the future of this blog, I can, maybe, will, and ocassionally often discuss ALL of the following subjects, even perhaps mid-sentence from something els-
 
(Does anyone else smell Afro-Sheen and Cornnuts  up in here?? Or is it just me? Anybody? Bueller?? Bueller?? 😛 )
 
I may or may not decide to talk in blog-form about:
 
 My early childhood fear of the Gorilla in the Showbiz Pizza band.
 
The Infamous Showbiz Pizza Gorilla
 
 
Both my fairly recently deceased fuzzy co-pilot Pepper…
 
The Legendary Pepper and I
 
Pepper checking out the Fridge
PEPPER: “Okay, so what are WE going to have for DINNER Tonight??”
 
… and our more anciently departed family dog when I was a wee lad, Roscoe P. Dog.
 
Little Jimmy and Roscoe P. Dog
Roscoe P. Dog out in the backyard, C.A. 1984-85. No, I have NO IDEA who that midget longshoreman in the background on the Big Wheel is! *SNORK* 😛
 
(Yes, that was his full legal name, DEAL WITH IT. 😉 )
 
Doughnuts.
One Dozen Krispie Kreame Doughnuts, a feast for Kings and the Breakfast Of Champions!
A Dozen Krispie Kreame Doughnuts, a feast for Kings and the Breakfast Of Champions!
 
My red-blooded American male obsession with BACON.
 
Image
 
Movies that are funny most importantly when they don’t INTEND to be funny.
 

 (NOTE: doncha just love the way Sully waves at Arnold like it’s his first day of school? And what’s up with the WillIAm-looking guy doing that dorky pistol barrel? I think he and Sully may be an “item.” 😛

 
My annoying encyclopedic knowledge of all things history (American, World, and Middle Earth-ish)
 
 

(It’s NINEVAH, YOU PID!! THE CAPITOL IS NINEV-awwwforgetit!! 😛 )
 
My committed struggle to rid the world of that walking festering plague upon humanity in pancake makeup, aka Clowns, and their more virulent strand MIMES.
 
Texas pride.
 
Honor The Texas Flag, I Pledge allegiance to thee Texas, On and indivisible.
 
The endless debate over which BBQ is the best.
 
The Classic NC Barbecue Sandwich!
 
A Classic Texas Barbecue Feast, courtesy of Blacks TX BBQ, Lockhart, TX
A Classic Texas Barbecue Feast, courtesy of Blacks TX BBQ, Lockhart, TX
 
Burn Notice…and more specifically why Fiona Glennanne would be the most awesome girlfriend in the world if she really existed.
Fiona Glenneanne: she never leaves home without her phone and gun!
Fiona Glenneanne: she never leaves home without her phone and gun!
 
Blue Bell and Dryers, and how they really should be two of the Four Basic Food groups.
Blue Bell and Dyers…ALSO the Breakfast of Champions. 🙂
 Delicious Dryers Ice Cream
Classic video games and video games in general.
 
River City Ransom…is there anything more adorable than watching Cabbage Patch Doll street thugs wail away on each other with adorable little baseball bats and brass knuckles? It’s just so precious! 🙂
 
Why the The Wilhelm Scream is the most awesome sound ever recorded by mankind and why almost everything is better with the Wilhelm Scream somewhere up in it. (Weddings, Funerals, Work Presentations, Special Events, Kiddie Birthday Parties, nights of intimacy at home alone with the wife. 😉 )
 
My family and my “interesting” childhood as a military brat.
Cute kids eating cereal
The wee Cap’n’ INSISTS that his Cheerios ALWAYS be served in the finest of SMURFS bowls. Thank you!
 
 
That under-appreciated badass force of nature and nuanced acting GENIUS that is former soccer enforcer/expert nuts-grabber-turned-actor Vinnie Jones.
 
Image
 
Image
 
The economy. (What? Even us Crackahs gots to eat!!)
 
Mystery Science Theater 3000
 
 
Tom Servo bold'n'brassy, AND smothered in gravy...TEXAS STYLE!!
Tom Servo bold’n’brassy, AND smothered in gravy…TEXAS STYLE!!
How food costs WAY too much these days.
 
Clint Eastwood, and how our generation desperately needs its own Clint Eastwood.
 
My adopted niece Kayla and nephew DJ, who I shall from now on henceforth refer to as “Lil’Bean”  and “Peapod” respectively.
 
Yaaay! It's Kayla And DJ!!
KAYLA: “So annnnnywaaayz, THEN I bring the plumber guy around to look at the septic tank on my doll house, and youknow and he says?? Honey, it’s gonna run you like 2 G’s to fix this, and I’m like, WHAT?? TWO G’S!!” DJ: “Mmm Cake, Cake,. We live to eat all’dah’CAKE!!” 🙂
 
New Orleans culture and my love for all foods cajun…ish.
 
 
 
The New Orleans Saints.
The New Orleans Saints. Lucha Libre masks. Two things that are awesome by themselves, and make the Universe that much more super mega awesomer when they go together! 😉
 
The Simpsons.
 

(And Noooow… my all-time favorite thing about The Simpsons amongst MANY favorite thingies about The Simpsons.)

</

 
 
Sock Monkeys.
A Booger Sized Sock Monkey
I like my Sock Monkeys in all sizes, but especially booger-sized!! 😀
 
The Houston Astros…YES even when they suck!
 
Biggio and Bagwell, the legends of The Houston Astros
Remember when the ‘Stros actually used to be GOOOD?? (Yeah, Me Neither! :p 😀 lol )
 
Women in my life, Women in General, and why if the Muslims ever DO conquer the world, even a Burkah won’t be quite enough to hide all of Christina Hendricks
 
Image
 
Politics, and how the entire  human race (myself included)  is getting more and more estupido everyday.
 
 

(You could apply the jist of this conversation to how people vote, why they like the things they like, and why we all just HAD TO have a Facebook or Twitter page…or even *gulp* a blog!  NOBODY knows why! 😛 )

Poker
 
I think maybe ol'Phil Hellmuth has FINALLY lost his mind!
I think maybe ol’Phil Hellmuth has FINALLY lost his mind!
 
Playing The Sims 3 probably more than an “adult” should! 😛
 
My fascination with medieval technology and other bizarre historical curiousities.
 
Huzzah, for Medieval Torture Devices!!!
What? Oh it’s called a Vaginal Speleculium. No, I don’t own one, but if it’d make you like me more, I could go get one. I’m sure eventually Wallywords will have a sale on..uhh..Vaginal Speleculiums.
Cult TV.
 
Hockey, and other wonderfully dorky white boy-dominated sports that hardly anybody watches anymore PRECISELY because they are so white
Gretzky. The Grim Reaper. Coincidence?? YOU DECIDE!! :P :)
Gretzky. The Grim Reaper. Coincidence?? YOU DECIDE!! 😛 🙂
 
Tiramisu.
 
It's tiramasu porn!!
 
Classic Movies, Classic Movie trivia, Retro style, and why us dudes today really don’t know how to dress for shite!
 
Men's Fashion in the 20th-21st Century
Anybody have a Delorean/Time Machine that I can borrow?? 😛
 
Strongbad Emails
 

Strongbad: The biggest animated video Lucha Libre masked PIMP to ever grace the internet.

 
My cultist-like obsession with DQ Blizzards and particuliar OREO DQ Blizzards!
 
The DQ Texas version of the Oreo Blizzard!
Yeah yeaaaah, I KNOW…I’m such a “Dessert Whore.” 😛
 
and lastly but not leastly….
 
….Yo Momma!!
Image
 (BONUS points awarded if you’re under the age of 35 and you know what show that image comes from and who the actress is in ze pic.)
 
Every OTHER topic that may exist in the Universe is reserved with respect to the People of these United States, and their associated Pets and Marsupials, hereto moreover, a little  howsyourfather, and whatfore in all perpetuity.
 
You have been briefed. Try not to be TOO scared of me now. It’s ONLY a flesh wound. In fact, you’re probably already getting better, trust me! 🙂
 
J. Devious, ESQ, purveyour of Wordsmithery, Chia Pets, and other fine

masochistic gastrointenstinal divertions.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s