A Handy-Dandy Referential Guide To My Eccentricities
Well, HIDEE-ho-hello there WordPressers, hooligans, and as such future unnamed Lawsuit personsages!
I supose I should begin my first “official” post on here by ‘esplainin’ to you all just how truly…uhhh…mentally differential at times that I can be. (READ: eccentric.)
(Oh yeah, and this post is going to be a little more “attatchment and goodies-whoreish” then my future posts might typically be.)
But, just so you’re prepared, know that AT ANY GIVEN TIME in the future of this blog, I can, maybe, will, and ocassionally often discuss ALL of the following subjects, even perhaps mid-sentence from something els-
(Does anyone else smell Afro-Sheen and Cornnuts up in here?? Or is it just me? Anybody? Bueller?? Bueller?? 😛 )
I may or may not decide to talk in blog-form about:
My early childhood fear of the Gorilla in the Showbiz Pizza band.
Both my fairly recently deceased fuzzy co-pilot Pepper…
… and our more anciently departed family dog when I was a wee lad, Roscoe P. Dog.
(Yes, that was his full legal name, DEAL WITH IT. 😉 )
My red-blooded American male obsession with BACON.
Movies that are funny most importantly when they don’t INTEND to be funny.
(NOTE: doncha just love the way Sully waves at Arnold like it’s his first day of school? And what’s up with the WillIAm-looking guy doing that dorky pistol barrel? I think he and Sully may be an “item.” 😛
My annoying encyclopedic knowledge of all things history (American, World, and Middle Earth-ish)
(It’s NINEVAH, YOU PID!! THE CAPITOL IS NINEV-awwwforgetit!! 😛 )
My committed struggle to rid the world of that walking festering plague upon humanity in pancake makeup, aka Clowns, and their more virulent strand MIMES.
The endless debate over which BBQ is the best.
Burn Notice…and more specifically why Fiona Glennanne would be the most awesome girlfriend in the world if she really existed.
Blue Bell and Dryers, and how they really should be two of the Four Basic Food groups.
Classic video games and video games in general.
River City Ransom…is there anything more adorable than watching Cabbage Patch Doll street thugs wail away on each other with adorable little baseball bats and brass knuckles? It’s just so precious! 🙂
Why the The Wilhelm Scream is the most awesome sound ever recorded by mankind and why almost everything is better with the Wilhelm Scream somewhere up in it. (Weddings, Funerals, Work Presentations, Special Events, Kiddie Birthday Parties, nights of intimacy at home alone with the wife. 😉 )
My family and my “interesting” childhood as a military brat.
That under-appreciated badass force of nature and nuanced acting GENIUS that is former soccer enforcer/expert nuts-grabber-turned-actor Vinnie Jones.
The economy. (What? Even us Crackahs gots to eat!!)
Mystery Science Theater 3000
How food costs WAY too much these days.
Clint Eastwood, and how our generation desperately needs its own Clint Eastwood.
My adopted niece Kayla and nephew DJ, who I shall from now on henceforth refer to as “Lil’Bean” and “Peapod” respectively.
New Orleans culture and my love for all foods cajun…ish.
The New Orleans Saints.
(And Noooow… my all-time favorite thing about The Simpsons amongst MANY favorite thingies about The Simpsons.)
The Houston Astros…YES even when they suck!
Women in my life, Women in General, and why if the Muslims ever DO conquer the world, even a Burkah won’t be quite enough to hide all of Christina Hendricks.
Politics, and how the entire human race (myself included) is getting more and more estupido everyday.
(You could apply the jist of this conversation to how people vote, why they like the things they like, and why we all just HAD TO have a Facebook or Twitter page…or even *gulp* a blog! NOBODY knows why! 😛 )
Playing The Sims 3 probably more than an “adult” should! 😛
My fascination with medieval technology and other bizarre historical curiousities.
Hockey, and other wonderfully dorky white boy-dominated sports that hardly anybody watches anymore PRECISELY because they are so white
Classic Movies, Classic Movie trivia, Retro style, and why us dudes today really don’t know how to dress for shite!
Strongbad: The biggest animated video Lucha Libre masked PIMP to ever grace the internet.
My cultist-like obsession with DQ Blizzards and particuliar OREO DQ Blizzards!
and lastly but not leastly….
(BONUS points awarded if you’re under the age of 35 and you know what show that image comes from and who the actress is in ze pic.)
Every OTHER topic that may exist in the Universe is reserved with respect to the People of these United States, and their associated Pets and Marsupials, hereto moreover, a little howsyourfather, and whatfore in all perpetuity.
You have been briefed. Try not to be TOO scared of me now. It’s ONLY a flesh wound. In fact, you’re probably already getting better, trust me! 🙂
J. Devious, ESQ, purveyour of Wordsmithery, Chia Pets, and other fine