McDonald’s French Fries: She can’t HELP but be pulled its tractor beam!
What’s going on inside your pal Jimmy Devious’ head this Monday?
Deep thoughts, baby, deep thoughts. Why? Because it’s Monologue Monday.
In point of fact, I had debated on whether or not this post REALLY belongs more as FPF (Food Porn Friday) type of deal, because you’re about to get an AVALANCHE of what could be called food porn, but eh, I feel like talking about it today…so whatever!
And what is that? Why, it’s The Fry Tax
. What, pray tell, IS the Fry Tax? Glad I pretended you asked, as per my informercial-style script!
I’ll be happy to share the definition for you….(even though you KNOW already what it is, whether you think you do, or not…)
The Fry Tax (n.)
A strange fast food phenomena where women in your life have the AUTOMATIC, COMPULSIVE need to reach over and swipe some of your french fries before you eat; whether she has her own order of fries or not.
Joe Blow: Hey QUIT IT!! Jack, your GF just took like a handful of both our fries before we’ve even had the chance to sit down!! Isn’t she having a SALAD??
Jack Schmo: Duuuude, don’t argue with it. It’s The Fry Tax.
See?? You KNOW it’s true!
Everywhere I’ve ever been in my life, whether it be with my D-O-M (Dear Old Mom ) female coworkers, out to lunch random chicks, even school CAFETERIA fries (which, for the record, suck big monkey balls) it always happens…and it always happens to be the women who do it.
It’s not even uncommon to see a female friend of yours who is a PROUD vegetarian swipe one or two of your super sea-salty french fries, bathed in fat, and god-knows what other wonderfully-delicious baddies for your heart, after she just got through BADGERING YOU for your poor food choices.
It’s sooo cuuute!!
And it can be irritating as all hell sometimes, particularly if she seems to be the type to be a little hypocritical about it, but rather than get angry about it, and shake your fist in their air like a crotchety old fart who wears socks with sandals…just accept it instead.
She can’t help it. Women are hard-wired to do this. Like a Sith apprentice to a Dark Lord, *in his best Vader * “You don’t know the POOOWER…of the Dark Side of Food…She MUST obey…”
….She must follow that salty siren song of the Fryman wherever it leads. Observe, smile, and be at peace, my son.
It’s Driving you CRAZY…now….isn’t it??
Just make sure the poor girl doesn’t start taking handfuls like a little piggie. *OINK*
Taking her fries as she takes mine…for “Mutually Assured Potatoe Destruction,”
J. Devious, ESQ